Why Holding Grudges Are A Waste Of Time And Energy– A StoryTime

Two females are standing in an art filled room. The younger female is looking out the window with a pouty look on her face with arms crossed.. She is holding a handmade picture in her  right hand

Holding grudges may seem like a good idea at the time. This person has wronged you and you’re not happy about that. You don’t want or can’t let that go. So from that moment on that person is on your ‘List’.

You don’t want to talk to or even look at that person. It’s pure torture if you have to work with that person. 

Like I said, holding grudges may seem like the way to deal with the situation, but what if I told you it isn’t? I nursed a grudge for two decades and found that the only person who suffered was me. Here’s what happened.

The backstory

When I was a kid, I had a group of friends that I was tight with. We played together every day. One of my friends, KiKi (not her real name), moved away. I was sad, but we still saw each other at school.

Soon my family moved out of the neighborhood about a year later. I was sad but moved on. 

In junior high, I ran into Kiki again. It was great!  The Double Duo were together again. We picked up where we left off, and it stayed that way all through high school. 

After high school, we were still tight. During this time, I got to know her brother and we started dating. Kiki was not happy about this, but I didn’t know. During this time Kiki had a little boy and I decided to go to college.

Though I was going to college in another town, I came home on the weekends so I could see family and friends. 

Photo of two people, one with their right arm around the neck of the other, standing and looking down and out onto a cityscape. People are seen from behind. Blog graphic for blog post why holding grudges are a waste of time and energy--storytime from awomansoutlook.com

Over Christmas, Kiki and I discussed our holiday plans, and the conversation turned to our love lives.

She accused me of still dating her brother, which wasn’t true. We had dated, but we broke up months earlier. I was confused by her accusation and thought maybe she didn’t know about the breakup.

So I maintained my innocence, but she continued to say her brother and I were still together. At one point, she made the statement that her brother dated all of her friends, and she knew we were still together. 

I started to get frustrated. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t believe me after all our years of friendship.

I went from frustrated to annoyed to mad.  I can’t remember exactly what was said, but I vowed never to speak to her again when I got off the phone. I tried to put everything out of my mind.

It wasn’t until the 2010s that something changed. I ran into an old mutual friend, Lee, and we talked for a bit.

I can’t remember how KiKi’s name came up, but let Lee in on the grudge. She said Kiki didn’t even know I was mad at her and had always wondered why I stopped talking to her.

Well, I felt like an idiot. I was mad at someone and she didn’t even know I was mad at her. I gave Lee my phone number to give to KiKi. I was hoping she would call me. She never did. 

A little while later, we ran into each other.  It was like time had stood still, and I was so happy to see her. She seemed happy to see me too!  We talked like we were kids again, and hashed everything out. 

Kiki explained that her brother had told her we were still together. I explained that while we still talked occasionally, we had broken up months before. She shared how her brother always dated her friends.

After our talk, I felt good about reconnecting but sad too. 

The aftermath

The reason I was sad was I had let something so trivial get in the way of a years-long relationship. True, we were best friends and why wouldn’t she believe her brother?

If roles were reversed, I would have believed my brother too. Blood is sometimes thicker than water! 

Photo of two people embracing. Blog graphic for blog post why holding grudges are a waste of time and energy--storytime for awomansoutlook.com.

What I learned 

I learned one thing: Grudges are stupid. Just straight-up stupid! You expend energy on hate and anger. Also, you waste time on that hate and anger.

Due to this waste, I missed seeing Kiki’s little boy grow up and all the wonderful times Kiki and I could have shared. I have no desire to waste time or energy like that again.

What to do

Let it go! Some people may not agree with this. To them, forgiveness is not an option. That’s fine for them.

However, I found that when hurt by those I loved, the best thing to do is to let go of the anger and hatred. Once you let go, they no longer have any power over you.

The takeaway

Holding grudges is a waste of time and energy. If you hold a grudge like I did, I hope you get the opportunity to reconnect if you want. If you don’t, let it go! The only person you’re hurting is yourself.

Unless you and the other person mutually called off the relationship, the other person doesn’t know what’s going on. 

Just saying!

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